Love is Different

I once heard Derek Webb play with his former band twice in one week. Some friends and I drove to Point Loma to see them at the beginning of our spring break, and saw them again in Phoenix toward the end. Derek’s songs seem to always be references to his life, making the separation of art and artist a blurry distinction. I always loved that about his writing, knowing that it was grounded in personal observation, experience, heartache, revelation—something I’ve tried to carry into my own song writing.

The rest of the band sat out for a song and Derek introduced it. "This song is called ‘Love is Different,’ I wrote this because love is never like it is in the media, or pop songs," or something close to that. I remember feeling disappointed as he continued speaking. It was as if he was beginning to rip out the table cloth from beneath my fancy dinner, candles, and roses—a process that has continued a little at a time and by many different hands and circumstances.

Most of us, at one point or another, are guilty of planning out our lives and the finer details it encompasses, building expectations of how things will go, what he or she will look like, the development of our careers, the total square feet of our master bedrooms. I know that the creation of expectation stems from a lack of experience. Passive observation and speculation have been the bulk of my foundation for doing so.

Now that I’m in a serious relationship, I’m learning where my expectations were far too high, that when applied to real life could make things unhealthy. But then again, in things that are actually important, Annabelle surpasses everything I could have hoped for. Being five thousand miles apart with only the phone, email, and the post wasn’t what I expected when I dreamed of falling in love. And I’m doing my best not to complain because I know there are people who are in worse situations. But missing the love of your life is never easy, no matter what the circumstances. It’s all relative, isn’t it?

I think if each of us had our way, it would be all happiness and swooning, laughter and sweeping each other off feet, but it’s not that way at all.

Cause love is different than you'd think
It's never in a song or on a TV screen
And love is harder than a word
Said at the right time and everything's alright
Love is different than you think
-Derek Webb

Don’t get me wrong, there are definitely those moments of swooning, and sweeping, and amazing kisses, and candlelight. But there are so many other moments, too. There are moments when a kiss doesn’t fix an argument like it does in the latest Hugh Grant movie. There are moments when loving a person isn’t about romance at all, but about supporting them, walking through wastelands with them, praying for them, crying tears with them. Sometimes loving a person is about being honest with them about faults. Equally, loving a person can be about shutting up and listening about your own.

Life is messy. We are all broken–I don’t care who you are. I know that you know it, even if you claim otherwise. I am a broken individual. My friends are broken individuals. I know my wife will be broken, too. And that’s okay. That’s where we all put down our pitchforks and gavels and extend forgiveness, grace, healing, and love to one another. No relationship will survive without room for bad moods, mistakes, or misunderstandings. Love grows with forgiveness. It grows when sympathy and understanding are at its core. When these attributes are present and virile, trust grows, too.

Unconditional love changes lives. It has changed mine, and I am striving to reciprocate.

posted by Cameron Lawrence at 16:21